SAY Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat???

FAT!

That's all I hear in my mind.

I am a big girl. 5'11 I get to be 160 and not worry about it. But today, I am 198 lbs. Ive never felt so disgusted about myself as I have in the past 4 months. Well, to be honest in the past 8 months Ive noticed the weight gain since I cant fit in my pants.

I think the worst part, is being so cold to Martin. I feel so gross about myself that I dont let him even touch me. And that's something he cant help himself because he has no idea of whats going on in my head. He doesnt know that everytime he touches my tights I Want to throw up because in my mind I picture him saying JESUS youre fucking huge!

Confidence is something you cannot pay for. Confidence is something tou have to aquire.