FAT!
That's all I hear in my mind.
I am a big girl. 5'11 I get to be 160 and not worry about it. But today, I am 198 lbs. Ive never felt so disgusted about myself as I have in the past 4 months. Well, to be honest in the past 8 months Ive noticed the weight gain since I cant fit in my pants.
I think the worst part, is being so cold to Martin. I feel so gross about myself that I dont let him even touch me. And that's something he cant help himself because he has no idea of whats going on in my head. He doesnt know that everytime he touches my tights I Want to throw up because in my mind I picture him saying JESUS youre fucking huge!
Confidence is something you cannot pay for. Confidence is something tou have to aquire.
terça-feira, 28 de janeiro de 2014
Dia 1 - How do you feel?
TODAY,
January 28th, 2014.
How do I feel? What's inside my mind? 2 words= A LOT!
1. I am so happy that I moved out and I can live on my own. It's not even about not having my own space... its because i get to live my life how i want to.
In the beginning I was terrified of being alone. Even if it was just for the 3-5 hours that I'm not working or sleeping... Personally I just felt like I was going to feel lonely all the time and want to go back, soon, very soon. But, THANK THE LORD that's not what happened!
January 28th, 2014.
How do I feel? What's inside my mind? 2 words= A LOT!
1. I am so happy that I moved out and I can live on my own. It's not even about not having my own space... its because i get to live my life how i want to.
In the beginning I was terrified of being alone. Even if it was just for the 3-5 hours that I'm not working or sleeping... Personally I just felt like I was going to feel lonely all the time and want to go back, soon, very soon. But, THANK THE LORD that's not what happened!
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